Reflections….

A new year always brings about a time of personal reflection…today is the time for mine.

Tonight’s premier night for One Tree Hill–one of my not-so-secret teen drama addictions. The two hour season opener is turning out to be an interesting one. It’s four year’s after the last season’s ending and the Hillers are now grown ups– post college in the real world with real jobs (or no jobs) and real world problems. The biggest thing the episdoe has done so far, is made me think…Looking back, am I living the dreams that I dreamt back then?

To be honest, I’m not. Truthfully, I can’t even really explain how I got where I am now. All through high school and college, I was prepped for one thing…to be successful. I was supposed to be on track to someone great…a doctor, a lawyer, a future mayor of New York City or even a Supreme Court Justice. And for all intensive purposes, I was on the fast track to some sort of career in the political/legal world. I was Brooke Davis (character on One Tree Hill) who knew from the start that she wanted to be a designer and pursued her dream. But then reality set in.

I realized that I really wasn’t living my dream. I wasn’t interested in law school, and though I did love politics, but I didn’t want to be a politician (please, could picture me on the campaign trail like Hilary and Barack? I don’t think so). Adding to the dreams deferred was an unstable economy when I got out of college. I went through a period where I bounced from job to job dabbling in everything from insurance claim adjusting, interior design, accounting and then eventually PR. Not exactly on track to what I was “supposed” to do. But nonetheless, I am here.

Can I call where am now being successful…definitely not. I am far from it. I feel like Peyton Sawyer (another OTH character) who everyone thought would amount to something great but in reality fallen short. Like her, I ask myself “what am I doing here?”

For all intensive purposes, I am still young (relatively). And each chapter of my story is still in development…each one more interesting than the last. What does my future hold? Who knows? All I do know is that I’m at a crossroads right now. And I have to make a choice as to what I want to do with my life– a choice I have to make by myself and for myself. Not sure what to do just yet, but when I know, I know my choice will be right.

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